NBers realize it’s now easier for deer to book a PCR test than for people

NBers realize it’s now easier for deer to book a PCR test than for people

New Brunswick — A white-tailed deer in the Saint John region tested positive for COVID-19 last week. This fact led several humans in the area who have had difficulty booking a PCR test to wonder why the deer was tested at all.

“It doesn’t seem fair — I mean yeah, he’s cute and all, with his fluffy white tail, but I think I deserve to know if I have COVID just as much as he does,” said Saint John resident Alfred Smith, 48.

“I have every symptom there is, but the rapids are coming up negative. I booked a PCR online and no one called me. Is that normal? Did the deer even have to fill out the paperwork?”

Public Health has stated that they are prioritizing testing animals because they are simply better than people.

“Animals are innocent, and catching COVID is beyond their control,” said a representative who wished to remain anonymous. “You don’t see deer hosting big parties or going to grocery stores without masks on. It’s just unheard of. So it’s only fair to get the deer and any other animals tested first.”

Rothesay mom of three Sharon Wilson is upset about the deer taking priority.

“If you’re just some useless human, you have to rely on rapid tests, which are notoriously inaccurate,” she said with a scoff. “If you’re a deer, on the other hand, you’re moved to the top of the list. What about my kids? And I need to go to work, but I don’t know if every sniffle is COVID or a cold!”

Wilson has decided to lure some deer into her backyard using apples and other enticing foods, spend time with the deer, then try to get the deer tested.

“It seems like a crazy plan, I’ll admit, but if the deer are sick after being with me, and they test positive, I’ll know for sure I have it.”

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