Rothesay — Across the province and especially in hardest-hit Saint John, school board officials have been in heated debate over how best to handle the staggering number of school cancellation days this winter. Teachers have been struggling to squeeze a year’s worth of lessons into the ever-decreasing class time.
Brenda McGinnis, a middle school teacher in Rothesay, proposed a solution that has been unanimously accepted as the only real means of keeping up to the rest of the country in learning. “I noticed the kids were always drinking those energy drinks like Monster and all that anyway, and that gave me the idea,” she explained. “Instead of allowing students to miss crucial points in the curriculum — or worse, extending the school year into the summertime, I thought we could just pump the kids full of chemicals that allow them to focus until the wee hours of the morning.”
Most elementary, middle and high schools in New Brunswick have this week signed a partnership with several major energy-drink companies including Rockstar, Full Throttle and Amp, who have already delivered crates of the helpful liquids to schools.
“This will be just the boost they need,” Meg Smith, mother of twin 10-year-olds, explained Monday evening. “Staying up all night probably isn’t the healthiest thing for kids, but that’s what the situation calls for, unfortunately. And I guess this will prepare them for university when pulling all-nighters is par for the course.”
As she said that, Smith’s daughters were beginning to hunker down for the night with a case of Redbull and some 5-Hour Energy drinks they purchased from a nearby convenience store using their allowance. Though the girls attended school Monday, the forecast called for another storm, resulting in yet another snow day.
“I want them to be able to play outside during snow days and to have fun, not be weighed down with endless school work,” said Smith while herself getting ready for bed, popping a sleeping pill. “They’re still kids, after all.”