New Brunswick — As was announced this past weekend, students will not be returning to in-person classroom learning when Christmas break ends next week, and they will instead move to distanced, online learning until at least Jan. 21.
And today, a supplementary precautionary measure was announced by the provincial government in an effort to keep our children safe.
“Not only will we be moving to online instruction,” announced Education Minister Dominic Cardy, “we will also be mandating that students attend these online session while outside, in a non-enclosed area.”
Cardy, who met with reporters outside of White Lotus Tattoo shop in downtown Fredericton, said that all reports indicate that COVID-19 is airborne and the safest place to be is outside, if you’re able to safely distance from others.
“Sure it’ll be cold in January,” admitted Cardy. “But good news everyone — you can wear a coat. Get yourself some nice mittens, a scarf — I don’t really care what you wear. Just do whatever you have to do to be ready to learn outside on your computers come next week.”
Cardy went on to explain that since he can’t control mask usage in people’s homes and he doesn’t know the state of their ventilation systems, this is the most responsible measure to implement to ensure the safety of these children.
“Look, we know that the ventilation is very poor in our schools,” he further commented. “But we have no idea if people’s home ventilation is even worse — I mean, it probably isn’t because the schools’ are dreadful, but we can’t know for sure. So, forcing everyone outside will be the best path to success here.”
This is truly funny.
This is so funny.