Mount Stewart — “All I can say is that they should be a little more clear,” muttered 21-year-old Braxton Affleck (pronounced “ah flack”), whose parents actually invented the name sweeping rural maternity wards — “Braxton” — when they couldn’t decide between Bradly, Max and Winston.
Braxton and his “extremely distant cousin,” as he put it, have a small child together, and have been looking to buy a plot of land in Pisquid and build not only a home, but a family on it.
“When we heard about this free Google Home Mini that you get when you sign up to be a premium Spotify user we couldn’t believe our luck,” said Jacklyn Affleck (pronounced “aye flack”), Braxton’s “extremely distant cousin.”
“So the first thing we did was get a loan from Easy Financial to make a down-payment on that plot of land we’d been eyeing for a while.”
A couple weeks later, when they received their Google Home Mini, they were confused.
“I guess I thought it was just like, a smaller version of the actual mini-home,” admitted Braxton, as he held in his hand what he thought would be his family’s future.
“I knew it sounded too good to be true,” confessed Jacklyn.
“But if there’s two things I don’t believe in, it’s research and vaccines.”
Despite the disappointment, the Afflecks are staying positive, pointing out a perceived silver lining in the mixup.
“We finally have that piece of land we wanted, and the loan only has a 50 per cent interest rate!” cried Jacklyn as she held her “extremely distant” relative’s baby.