Premier starts taking Ambien just in case he says something racist

Premier starts taking Ambien just in case he says something racist

New Brunswick — Earlier this week, ABC’s smash-hit Roseanne was cancelled after the show’s namesake, Roseanne Barr, used her personal Twitter account to sling racist remarks toward American businesswoman Valerie Jarrett.

And although New Brunswick’s premier was in fact a fan of the show, he’s not wallowing in disappointment and is actually using Roseanne’s excuse for her controversial tweet as an opportunity to protect himself if, God forbid, he says or does anything racist.

“When life gives you lemons, you throw ’em away and get yourself an apple instead cause lemons are gross,” explained an excited Gallant, as he waited for Fredericton’s splash pad to open Thursday morning. “And sure, I loved the Connors and was super excited that the show got a reboot. And of course I’m sad that it’s cancelled and I’ll probably have to go back to watching reruns of Doogie Howser or something.

“But, at least I can learn something from this terrible event — drugs give you a valid excuse for doing something stupid.”

Gallant said he’s just trying to protect himself from potential backlash “just in case,” and wants to ensure that he has a fallback excuse to rely on if the time ever comes.

“Maybe I’m staying somewhere nice or something and the valet happens to be a different race than me,” he articulated when he shouldn’t have. “If he takes my bags to my room for me, that’s racist. So now I can happily let said person carry my bags and not feel guilty because the Ambien made me do it — problem solved.”

The Manatee asked Frederictonians about the Roseanne controversy and whether they support Gallant’s plan to save face.

“I think the tweet was disgusting and her excuse only made things worse,” chimed 24-year-old UNB student Cara Hatheway. “And as far as Gallant goes, I’m torn. On the one hand, it’s simply a terrible idea. But on the other hand, it seems like the first time he’s put forward thought into anything at all — so I am kind of impressed with it.”



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