Fredericton — In an effort to dispel the latest rumour circulating on social media, Dr. Jennifer Russell called a special news conference today to reinforce that there’s no link between COVID-19 vaccination and the new Netflix horror drama Squid Game.
“I know there’s a lot of rumours and misinformation circulating around the internet, and now some of it is getting all mixed together in bizarre and unexpected ways,” said an exasperated Russell.
“However, Squid Game is not ‘real life,’ she said making air quotes. “And, COVID-19 is real. Okay? Okay? Jesus Christ people. I’m going on fumes here, help me out.”
Despite Russell latest comments, the skeptical anti-vaxxer community is not so easily convinced. “I saw on Facebook that once you get the jab, you get put in a lottery to play children’s games for money!” said anti-vaxxer Tony Calamar. “And if you lose, they shoot you!”
“I love the playing the lottery, but I’m a bit out of shape,” he said. “I’ve got a bad back, bad knees, bad heart, bad kidneys, bad liver, bad arms, bad knees, bad wrists and bad hearing. And, I only have readers from the Dollarama so I can’t see squat most of the time.
“And you have to speak Korean? First, they are forcing French on me and now this? No frickin’ way!
“Also, I don’t really know my shapes. Circle, square, triangle-thingy — they all look the same to me. I’m not very good at math.
“Finally — there’s no way in hell I’m wearing that goddamn mask!”