Fredericton — Line up, citizens! In yet another attempt to generate revenue from the misery and desperation of its citizens, the provincial government has announced a plan to put toll booths in the lineups at all Service New Brunswick locations.
“Service New Brunswick locations are known for long lineups and poor client service,” said media coordinator Holly Upshaw-Downs. “By installing a toll booth at the beginning and end of every lineup, we will be able to cash in on the hordes of people flocking to renew their driver’s licences or purchase a varmint-hunting permit.
“We have made our automated telephone service nearly unusable, sending hapless users through an endless series of menus and being put on hold,” she elaborated. “Also, we’ve replaced the content on our website with old recipes from a Wok with Yan cookbook. Both efforts will increase the number of people forced to show up in person to receive services, which will make the lineups longer and much, much more profitable.”
Service New Brunswick did not provide further details, but an industry analyst in tollbooths speculated that tolls will drain more than $5 million from provincial taxpayers’ pockets annually.