Riverview — In this cruel and unforgiving world we live in, personal successes always appear to come in small doses and can be few and very far between. But this is a new day that Clint McDougall will not soon forget. The Riverview native has somehow managed to defy all laws of password recollection as well as possibly become the driving force behind rewriting everything psychologists know about the human short-term memory system.
It is also worth mentioning that McDougall had a very specific list of instructions before allowing The Manatee‘s reporting staff to conduct the interview. A few of the rules are listed below:
- The Manatee staff member must be between the ages of 5 and 35;
- This story must not have been used or covered before;
- The interviewer must be quite a character, between 170-178 cm in height without shoes; and
- The interviewer’s name must also have numbers in it.
The day started like any other, with McDougall logging into numerous password-protected accounts including Gmail (both work and personal), Facebook, Twitter, online banking, Netflix, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and even closing the day off by renting a new release from the Apple iTunes store via his trusty Apple TV box. The only difference is that much to his surprise, he did not struggle with any of his logins.
According to any 1st-year psychology textbook that briefly glazes over the topic of short-term memory, McDougall should have struggled with at least 2 of these passwords, including iTunes, resulting in a mild-to-moderate temper tantrum in his apartment. Statistically speaking, his face should have become a deep shade of red while using at least 5 expletives and throwing the small, silver Apple TV remote control across the room causing it to slide under the stove and be missing for 2 to 4 hours.
“I have to say, I’m pretty surprised at my ability to log into all my accounts considering the plethora of special characters each of them have. One of my passwords is just a string of 38 underscores followed by the date I lost my virginity,” he said. “I mean, last month I couldn’t even remember my Plenty of Fish password, nor could I verify my iTunes information to rent a movie. I literally thought I would die a single guy who has never seen Minority Report. And don’t even get me started on the time I forgot both my password and my username for my online NB Power account. It was like being up Shit’s Creek without a paddle or a username.”
McDougall went on to explain to The Manatee’s news staff that his iCloud and Plenty of Fish password reset links were imprisoned on the Gmail server for several hours due to an unknown issue, causing him to briefly leaf through a nonfiction book, only to be awakened at 4 a.m. to the iPhone’s default email notification chime when the password reset links were finally released to his inbox’s custody.
McDougall was happy to share that he has since enjoyed Minority Report with a lovely woman he met on Plenty of Fish and they are expecting their first child in winter 2016. Unfortunately, both are struggling to find a baby name that has not been used before and contains 8 to 16 characters.
I was going to say something about passwords, but then I read this, “Share your thoughts. No personal attacks.” and now I’m wondering… does this mean I can share my thoughts with the assurance that I won’t be personally attacked, or are you ordering me to share my thoughts, but forbidding me to make any personal attacks? If it’s the second one I might not be able to comply with your demands. I’m not thinking of attaching YOU personally, but one of my most prominant thoughts today does involve a personal attack on a guy I ran into earlier in the hall, so I’m in a bit of a pickle.