New Brunswick — The Picture Province will be the first in the country to roll out mandatory drug testing for anyone collecting employment insurance benefits.
A curious crowd of reporters were slack-jawed as Service Canada VP Mary Waycott delivered the surprise announcement this morning. “Starting February 10th, E.I. reporting will be done in person accompanied by a urine sample,” she explained. “The rules and regulations are quite simple: if you are found to have an illegal substance in your system, your E.I. benefits will be immediately suspended.”
Service Canada’s press release was accompanied by a pamphlet (available on their website: servicecanada.gc.ca) to better educate New Brunswick residents on the details of the program.
The informative bilingual pamphlet lists dozens of drugs as illicit, even some of the more fun ones including: cocaine, phencyclidine, opiates, amphetamines (methamphetamines), ecstasy (MDMA) and heroin (6-acetyl morphine).
Individuals using regulated methadone programs as well as medical marijuana cardholders will be tested accordingly and funds won’t be suspended.
The next reporting day, Feb. 10, will be a busy one for Service Canada locations across the province. Their reputation for an inability to act in a timely manner on most anything has skeptics of the program worried. Some, like Perry Harris, a seasonal fisherman from Shediac and lifetime marijuana user, are outraged at the initiative as a whole. “Marijuana is not a drug,” Harris said. “It’s a way of life for me and the old lady during the off-season.”
The announcement leaves drug users little time to get clean before testing. Health Canada suggests mass consumption of water and cranberry juice, taking lots of over-the-counter niacin, or bribing a kid for their clean urine as methods to rid the body of the listed banned substances.
thats bullshit ppl with benefits work for that, it should be for welfare ppl that freeload and are too lazy to work!!!
thats right people that work hard every day should be entitled to benifits should receive them its the welfare people that should have to be drug tested , not the hard working
No doubt there will be a huge line up on Feb 10th, wall to wall people, I would have to pee twice while waiting in line. They would be dumping hundreds pee samples into our sewer system all at once!!! Moncton has very old pipes under the ground, may cause overflow or worse yet, sewage backup. ( I had a friend who’s sewer backed up and the city wouldn’t pay a cent to repair…) Lucky for them they had good home owners insurance but does everyone….
Some one test positive they are cut off….then wht? Unable to pay their bills? Homelessnes whuch we all know cost a lot more than being homed. This is a step back in time. Canada is one of the top leaders in harm reduction and housing the homeless, not punishing the population that may require treatment or other forms of help like mental illness. I am overwhelmed at the meer idea of a goverment body enforcing such a law.employers I can understand doing drug testing but not Canadian goverment.
You know this is satire right?
Are you kidding me fellow commentors? This is a satirical website…a parody..a JOKE! You can’t honest tell me you think everyone will be bringing in a urine sample to get their EI? The comments are funnier than the Manatee’s stories!!
We’ll see if JustinTrudeau will come up and say that he would scrap it if elected. People have one solution, get rid of that dictator at the next election.
Yes let’s vote an idiot in because he said we can do drugs…dumb ass
You might think he’s a dumb ass but he’d be saving a lot and I mean a lot of peoples asses whjo worked there fucking ass off for there ei and these people are gonna take it away because some people smoke a little pot!
Lol! “Some of the fun ones including” should have given it away
Shouldn’t you really start with social assistance first!!!! Considering they don’t even have enough weeks to apply for ei. Let’s start with what is really abused first and then go to the ei system. And why I feel I have a say is because I did bring up 3 children by myself without child support nor have I ever collected Social Assistance or EI in my life and I am still working and I am in my 50’s. I hope you really look and doing this to the social and ts si stance program first. Thank you for reading this.
Well aren’t you special? I’m a single mother with 2 children and rely on assistance. I don’t use drugs, but found your comment very rude. Considering I have tried to find work and none is available. Pretty sure things were quite different when you were a “young single mother”. My children are very well looked after and have had the BEST childhood having a FULL-TIME Mommy. Get your head out of your ass communist!
Shouldn’t you really start with social assistance first!!!! Considering they don’t even have enough weeks to apply for ei. Let’s start with what is really abused first and then go to the ei system. And why I feel I have a say is because I did bring up 3 children by myself without child support nor have I ever collected Social Assistance or EI in my life and I am still working and I am in my 50’s. I hope you really look and doing this to the social assistance program first. Thank you for reading this.
what about the govt employees who go home after a hard days work…..and sit back and relaxes with a joint…..
i think this is a great idea 🙂 instead of staying home and doing drugs with their E.I they could be working
Your a idiot. You pay for your unemployment and it’s ppl like you are the reason the government thinks it’s ok dictate to us on how we can receive our OWN. Money
I agree with Dianne, although it had me goin’…until the last paragraph. That being said…I find it scary that so many are willing to submit their fellow citizens to the indignity of PROVING themselves innocent…as long as it isn’t them. As we submit to these intrusive little “regulations”, we soon find that our once “taken for granted” freedoms have eroded away to nothing…and George Orwell will be proven right…
One thing about good satire is, that like really good humor, is that it contains at least a kernel of truth… even if that truth is prescient…
I guess people don’t realize this is a satire website……..Come on people, use your heads.
People should read before getting all hot under the collar lol…
“The announcement leaves drug users little time to get clean before testing. Health Canada suggests mass consumption of water and cranberry juice, taking lots of over-the-counter niacin, or bribing a kid for their clean urine as methods to rid the body of the listed banned substances.”
WHAT THE HELL IS WITH OUR COUNTRY. STARTING TO FEEL LIKE RUSSIA. WSIB FROM ONTARIO REFUSES TO ACCEPT MY DRS MEDICAL REPORTS. NOW THEY ARE STARTING DRUG TESTING ON PEOPLE WHO LOST THEIR JOB AND CANNOT FIND WORK. WHATS NEXT CONCENTRATION CAMPS. MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY IS LOOKING BETTER ALL THE TIME.
Are yiu guys serious. It’s about time they did this. If your gonna be to lazy to work why should you get government money. We live in canada where there is a tonne of work shouldn’t be a problem for the normal working person
Ei is not for the lazy if you don’t work you don’t get EI. Firstly you have to work to gain enough hours to even qualify secondly they only give you a certain amount of months of pay before you’re cut off anyways. I am a hard worker and I have been unfortunate enough to end up out of work due to lay offs far to many times, I have had to use EI for the last 3 years on and off. So am I lazy? EI is not government money it is each individuals money EI is taken off your pay every time you get paid and is banked away for when you lose your job. Also yes there is alot of jobs in Canada but there is also alot of people looking for work so no it is not as easy to just go get a job. It took me 9 months to find a job and I applied and was out looking every day to any place I could get a job at.
That’s where your wrong look at your pay stub you pay for E.I every time you are payed so no its not free money it’s yours right from the start
Test the social assistance receivers first. I have a 30 yr old single mother of 4 living down the street from who is out on her deck smoking the wacky backy all the time and only manages to get up in the morning to send her kids to school maybe twice a week. God Dam government. (Wake up)
I would have thought everyone caught on that this was a joke when the final sentence read “or bribing a kid for their clean urine as methods to rid the body of the listed banned substances”
Everyone! Please direct your attention to the Disclaimer at bottom of the page.
lmfao… im in tears….
Oh my god, what about the people that depend on that for their families? Their home? This is a terrible idea! But attaching another group of people does not solve this! It’s time to fight the government
Simple answer, Don’t be a loser Junkie and you get money
Why do the people that work there asses off have to take a damn test to get ei when all the damn people on welfare are smoking crack and shit and get it why do us hard working people and not some stupid low life crack head doesn’t…. Really Canada does this sound fair… Why don’t u make the welfare people take it as well since they just drink and smoke and god knows what else they spend it on….. Then we will see how much our government has to pay out I bet u that 78% of the money is to support the welfare people…..
How can anyone mention “hard working, or we work our asses off” and “collecting EI” in the same breath. Get off your asses and find a job that isnt seasonal. You choose a seasonal job , then believe you should be entitled to sit at home collecting a cheque instead of working. Damn straight you should be drug tested to collect, just as so many true “hard working” people have to be to earn the paycheque that allows you lazy slackers to collect from.
You are just ignorent, people dont end up needing ei just because of seasonal work. Not only that you don’t know everybody that needs to use it. Im sure there are people that abuse it and choose to do seasonal then stay on ei, but there are hard working people that end up out of work and need to use it. As i stated in a previous post I am a hard worker i ended up being laid off due to budget cuts w.e it took me 9 months of constant job hunting to finally land another job. Not only that this post is a bloody fake they arent actually doing this.
Ya asshole if it wasn’t for us season worker’s you wouldn’t have roads or buildings or half the food you eat so in the end you would not have a job if we didn’t do these jobs no roads no building means no jobs to go to and if there was there would be no way to get there. Fuck tard
Truth hurts…here is what hurts, that someone living in this province is as stupid as you are. Lol what a joke. The country like it or not cannot survive without seasonal professional workers. Do you expect a professional and highly educated seasonal worker to find a new job every year and only keep that job for a few months until their main profession starts back up and repeat this process yearly. Go from being a construction superintendent to flipping burgers just to make some idiot like u think we aren’t lazy. Lol you must be the idiot we won’t hire every year we get busy in construction.
You should check weldfare wild you there
So now ei, a service obtained by working meaning it’s earned, requires a drug test. Yet welfare, a service that most people abuse and don’t need is still handed out with no requirements.
ei cant answer the damn phones in a decent amount of time what makes them think they got time to take everyones ei cards and piss test lol ,,,,,, theyd have to hire people for that lol
Wow. There is some seriously dumb or dense folks that read this website.
Satire. As in fake. As in ITS A FAKE NEWS SITE WITH FAKE NEWS ARTICLES!! relax druggies, uncle Canuck isn’t taking away your welfare. Smh.
I THINK IT’S OK
I WORKED FOR THAT MONEY NEVER SAT ON MY ASS AND COLLECT WELFARE!
Start with HER!!!! AND THEN GOVERNMENT, POLICE BECAUSE I KNOW HALF OUR POLICE IN MY HOME TOWN ARE USING AND SUPPORTING DRUG SELLER’S
WORK YOUR WAY DOWN!
START AT THE TOP THE ONE MAKING RULE’S WE VOTED THEM IN WE CAN MAKE THEM DO SAME
This is Bullshit and it’s our money for one you legally can’t take our money than put stipulated terms on receiving our own money back for one for two you have how many life time GENERATION OF A FAMILY On welfare. And you have the baballs to out cast the tax payers me for one thinks the government is trying to get a war to start here ppl are going to go into a frenzy soon if you retarded government officials don’t get your heads out your ass
Pist 4 sale 50$ 6 once
Mark, Do you take Visa, forged cheque or cash?
I think it is bullshit and that the income assistance recipients should have to do drug testing to. i am a seasonal worker and I don’t do drugs and have nothing against the ones that do as long as you earn the money for what you do. I know 30 people or more on income assistance who sit on there ass and do drugs. I have seen them offered jobs and refuse or work a day or two maybe a week and nothing is done. Really get your priorities straight. There are some on income assistance that need it but there is way to many that abuse it.
It is amazing how many people will believe this ( announcement ) LOL
Some of you folks need to smoke a bit MORE weed and ‘Chillax’ if you really think this is true. Honestly, some of you really aren’t the sharpest tools in the box.
FOR E I SEEMS NOT RIGHT, WELFARE FOR SURE
We work for that money when needed so it shouldn’t matter if a person does drugs!! Now welfare people should have to pass a drug test every month before collecting their cheque, they don’t work for that money !!
Is this for real?….drug testing for ei????…..the new ei weazel should be bitch slapped along with our “Dicktator” Harper!!!!!
So the canada gov has ripped us cpp and now ei. Its our money people and we have to jump through hoops of fire to get it back from the gov giving away the very few jobs we have to foreing workers. Wake up the problem is not of drugs the problem is gov while their spending over 250 thou on season tickets they infade us and our rights by making us piss in a bottle well u know what y doesnt every gov worker school teacher politician get tested.
WTF!! don’t yas think it should be for Welfare abusers??? Hello? There is seasonal work. That will never change. So don’t target the poor folks who actually do work. Target the abusers of the welfare system.
Sooooo I pay off my check to receive these benifits …. So what right do you have to do this ? How about you drugtest welfare people !
they should be drug testing the people on welfare disability and mothers allowance that are free loading and living off the men and women who go to work everyday and pay taxes and they reap the benefits there should be no single men or women on welfare unless they are going to school seasonal workers shouldn’t need welfare they should get enough hours for EI unless they work for cash and are defrauding the system like most of them are there is a lot of children out there that are suffering because their parents wont get jobs and stop ripping off the system the system was put in place to give people temporary help because they hit hard times not to be a way of life. People who work and contribute to the system might as well quit working and go on welfare if they are going to be treated like second class citizens for getting up and going to work everyday.
time that the working class people stick together and stand up for all working Canadians !
Do you mean stand up for all working comedians?
WHO IS THE PEOPLE THAT MAKES THESE LAWS AND WHY ARE THEY NOT VOTED ON FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ALL THESE COMMENTS ARE WHAT I PASS THROUGH MY BRAIN MORE THEN A COUPLE TIMES A DAY WHILE I GET MY ASS UP AND GO TO WORK ROTATING SHIFTS AND PAY SUPPORT TO A WELFARE CLEINT THAT HAS NEVER WORKED A DAY IN HER DAMN LIFE AND FOLLOWED RIGHT IN HER MOTHER SHOES … BLA BLA BLA ,WHILE MY SISTER WORKS FULL TIME AND PAYS STUDENT LOAN BACK AND FULL RENT, THE WELFARE MOM THAT DOESNT WORK HAS MORE SPENDING MONEY AT THE END OF THE MONTH THEN SHE DOES BECAUSE THEY GET WELFARE CHECK, THEY GET FULL BABY BONUS AND GEARED TO INCOME HOUSING FOR $120 A MONTH RENT………OR THE GUY THATS A COMPLETE DRUG ADDICT GETS WELFARE AND GARNISHED $54 A MONTH FROM IT FOR SUPPORT AND IS ABLE TO RIDE A BIKE AND ROB PEOPLE BUT ISNT WELL ENOUGH TO GET A DAMN JOB?? AND YES THE BEST PART IS THEY DONT GET DRUG TESTED, THEY DONT GET ASKED TO SHOW WHERE THEY SPEND THE MONEY OR WHAT PART THE KID OR KIDS ACTUALLY SEE, OR GET LAWYERS PAID FOR TO REPRESENT IN COURT BUT IF YOU WORK YES WORK FULL TIME EVEN AT MINIMUM WAGE YOU DONT QUALIFY FOR LEGAL AID BUT THE GUY THAT ROBBED ME DOES……..ITS ALL VERY SICK AND YES SOMEBODY GOT TO GET TOGETHER IN THE WORKING CLASS AND PUSH THE BLEEEP BACK….. I COULD GO ON FOREVER HERE I SEEN IT ALL COMING FOR A LONG TIME JUST LIKE THE NON LEGALIZATION OF POT AND TAKING THE RIGHT TO GROW FOR PRESCIBED MEDICAL POT USERS AND FORCING TO BUY FROM GOVERNMENT, SO NOW WATCH HOW EASY THEY HAND OUT PERSCRIPTIONS FOR POT NOW THAT YOU HAVE TO BUY FROM THEM, GROSS JUST GROSS WHAT RIGHTS WILL WE HAVE IN 10 OR 15 YEARS PEOPLE?????? IF YOU WORK STAND UP!!!!
The comments are great! They are my favourite part of the Manatee. It take a lot of talent to write a satirical piece that people believe.
A+
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ALL content (including likenesses, quotes, figures, facts, etc.) hosted on this website and associated social media accounts are fictitious and satirical and should not be taken seriously.
I know it’s a joke but it’s hilarious that you can pick out who does drugs and who doesn’t (and most likely either collecting welfare or EI) by whoever gets upset after reading the article. I wish it was true, I know too many people that sit around all day doing drugs and collecting EI or permanent disability when they are more than capable of working. They’re just f*ing lazy.
That is such bull, we pay into that, we are entitled to that money whether people do drugs or not. How the hell are they allowed to that, This is a joke, the government is getting worse, its time to fight back.
This is to SLYX, where you get this idea, you are so wrong, not everyone does drugs,, i do not do drugs, People are getting upset because this is wrong,,, People who are on EI, qualify because they paid into it, its their money, The government is wrong in doing this, People who pay into EI are entitled to it, whether they do drugs or not.
should give that to people who sit there asses on welfare and dont do nothing while tax payers work there asses off.who cares if some people who may or may not smoke weed and shit..we bust our asses and deserve to relax.even if it envolves pot once in a while.so what they r saying is pretty much if u have drugs in our systems we dont get our ei benifits. Thats is a bunch of bs to me.some have paid into ei benifits for number of years.if the government wants to.save money lol..they should get certin people who abuse our welfare system this test…i smoke pot here n there so if I were to get laid off now I wont b able to cause I smoke and yet I have been paying into ei for a long time…
these stories ane not true
BULLSHIT!
WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON WELFARE?
I work to get my ducking money back through ei if I ever need it.
FUCK YOU CANADA.
This government doesn’t give shit about the people and we all need to start BITCHING about it.
Unfair, I hate fake news story’s. :/
So confusing sometimes.
Why would health Canada suggest ways to get rid of the drugs!!! Ridiculous! Allowing these people to pretend they are clean.. Wonder why people are so corrupt these days!
Plus punishing the working isnt fair! Should apply for the ones who can’t hold a job, haven’t worked in x amount of months!
Its great that Mary Waycott is doing something about the situation but the rest of us like always have to pay the consequences!
This is wrong people pay into ei they should not be questioned how they spend their own money it’s the feckin lazy asses that r collecting welfare at our expense that need to be tested they would save billions by cutting them off