Fredericton — The Manatee sat down Thursday morning with a small, diverse group of pro-Conservatives to discuss some recently published alleged Harper-bashing articles. Accusations, including but not limited to, being a fugitive serpent and trespassing with intent to camp in New Brunswick were topics of great discussion.
“[The Manatee] should be writing articles about other important issues, like how to balance the budget or the ISIS crisis,” one Harper advocate said, while the others nodded in agreement. “Writing about the prime minister is not an entry-level job. The Manatee lacks experience.”
Despite their obvious disagreement with the opinions of some of the site’s writers, the small group refrained from hostilities, remaining polite and even awkwardly complimenting this reporter’s hair. Many other interesting points were also brought up in a somewhat choreographed and slanderous fashion around the conference room table, though little to no offence was taken.
They were simply retaliating in defence of Stephen Harper, one member explained. “He’s been under a great deal of stress for many years. What’s the biggest problem you’ve had to solve? You all think you’re celebrities — writing things before you think them through.”
The Conservative supporters’ disdain didn’t stop there, either. The Manatee tried giving the committee a peace offering as a sign of good faith, presenting each of them with a winter jacket emblazoned with a crest of the site’s beloved mascot, Hugh. However, each of them refused the gift, seemingly offended by the gesture. “Like these will stop ISIS?” exclaimed one passionate Harper supporter, much to the confusion of reporters.
“I’m not saying no to The Manatee one day becoming a website the Conservatives support,” the first man said almost apologetically. “But not now.”