Atlantic Canada — Girlfriends across the Maritimes are just so friggin’ sick of this gross, drizzly, chilly weather, they all declared on Wednesday.
“Ugh, it’s so cold and gross out. Come here and let me put my hands under your shirt to warm them up,” Rachel Durell of Dartmouth said to her reluctant boyfriend Jake Smith, who obediently sacrificed his body heat to his shivering partner of two years.
“Oh my goddd…how are you that cold?!” gasped Smith. “It’s the middle of April!”
“I don’t think the sun has come out in like a week,” exaggerated Beth McAdam of Riverview, girlfriend of Ryan Abernathy. “It’s gross and grey and depressing. I just want to go back to bed.”
Abernathy said his girlfriend of three years woke him up this morning by placing her ice-cold feet against his and mumbling something about the grossness of this April weather. “She kept saying it’s still so gross that she’s probably never going to get to wear any of her new spring clothes,” he explained. “And I’m pretty sure she somehow blames me for that, too. She’s been grumpy all week.”
Kara Olsen of Fredericton had planned to go for drinks last evening with her boyfriend Sean Garrett. After work, however, she ran from her car to the warmth of her apartment, and told him that her hair was ruined because of the freezing rain.
“It’s so frizzy now! It’s cold AND humid out, somehow, and so now I look like shit,” she griped, putting on her sweatpants. “I’m not going anywhere tonight. It’s way too gross.”
Olsen then cranked the heat in the apartment, not concerned about her monthly NB Power bill, which was pretty high all winter.
“I don’t even care,” she said. “I just want to put on some stupid movie, have some tea and cuddle with Sean on the couch. I might even eat a whole bag of chips…if it’s this gross out I might was well be gross, too.”