Halifax — Starting in 2017, marijuana enthusiasts might need a loan if they want to get stoned.
Yesterday in Halifax, the federal finance minister announced that after marijuana consumption is legalized next year, Trudeau’s planned carbon tax will also affect those taking tokes.
“OK OK OK, I’ll tell you how we came up with this idea, man,” said a slightly red-eyed Bill Morneau. “We were kicking it in Justin’s office, you know, just hanging out shooting the breeze… if you know what I mean.” Then, the giddy finance minister gave a knowing wink and doubled over in a fit of giggles.
He stopped speaking and stared down at the lectern in ostensibly deep thought for about a minute before a reporter asked if he was all right.
The federal finance minister then continued, “We were talking about weed and we were like… ‘If marijuana is a plant, and plants are made of carbon, and burning carbon creates pollution…WHOA — smoking weed causes climate change! Our minds were like… totally BLOWN, dude. Hey, are those chips? Can I have some?”
The move to tax the carbon footprint of cannabis is not new. In Colorado, similar measures are in place that take into account not only the burning of carbon, but also the amount of energy and fossil fuel consumption required to cultivate and distribute it. Ten ounces of marijuana can take up to 1,410 kilowatt hours of electricity to cultivate, enough to run a normal refrigerator for 2 years.
When the prime minister was asked for comment, he said marijuana would be eligible for both a sin tax and a carbon tax under the new law. Asked if he’d pay it, Trudeau smiled and said, “I’m not smoking any more,” and walked away.
Just barely audible he added, “I’m not smoking any less either,” as he giggled down the hallway.