‘Trumpdeau’ spotted in Minto

‘Trumpdeau’ spotted in Minto

Minto — Jared Lump has been in hiding for weeks. Before Justin Trudeau and Donald Trump both emerged into the media spotlight, he was a simple Zamboni driver enjoying a quiet life in Minto, N.B.

Everything changed for Lump in early 2016, when Minto residents began calling him “Trumpdeau.” He doesn’t see it, but his stunning resemblance to Canada’s prime minister coupled with his often unruly orange hair are what made him somewhat of a local celebrity.

By winter 2016, the Minto Centennial Arena began filling with spectators, even for low-level hockey games. It soon became clear that the crowds were there to see Lump clean the ice. Lump recalled simply doing his job, while crowds chanted, “Trumpdeau! Trumpdeau! Trumpdeau!”

“It took on a life of its own!” said Lump. “People almost seemed like they were channelling their rage for current North American politics all toward me. One old lady yelled, ‘You’re as useless as tits on a bull!’ An old man screamed, ‘Why don’t you go build a wall around your property!’ It got to be too much. I can’t help how I look.”

Lump said that being in hiding means he can’t even go to Dooly’s, a place that used to be his favourite after-work haunt. “Playing Power Keno with a Coors Lite or two is outta the question these days, unless I want to field people’s stupid political questions. It’s public humiliation!”

Our reporter spotted Lump on Thursday as he was grabbing some Storm Chips at the Circle K. We asked why he doesn’t just cut or dye his hair to alleviate some of the glaring similarities.

“I’m not about to change the style I’ve had for years just because I happen to look like some weird hybrid of those two jokers,” he huffed. “Not a chance!”

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