‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Everybody’d been drinking, most had passed out
There were cans emptied of Alpine, Budweiser and Moose
There were shots left of Jäger, Fireball and Grey Goose.
Everybody was sleeping, they lay there so still
Save for one in the bathroom, awake being ill
Their bodies were sprawled across the livingroom floor
Some sat with heads rested on the walls and the door.
The night started with dinner, which was fit for a king
There were pizza and fiddle heads, and salmon poutine
There was wine flowing aplenty, beer and hard cider
Chicken wings, samosas, and cheeseburger sliders.
We played beer-pong, watched curling and drank to be merry
We gave presents with cheer and Skyped with friends in the Prairies
Those friends couldn’t come home as their work had run dry
They didn’t have money saved for plane tickets to buy.
As I lay all tucked in, snug in my bed
Visions of stars were spinning in my head
I felt slightly nauseous but hoped it would pass
I swore this night of drinking would sure be my last.
Then all of the sudden, I heard a faint noise
Steps on my rooftop, so I went to get my boys
We ran out the front door and looked to the roof
We saw a shadow of a man up there, acting aloof.
Who could be up there? Who’d risk breaking their neck?
One of my friends asked inquisitively: “Hey, what the heck?”
Was it Santa Claus up there, delivering gifts for us here?
No, it was Jimmy, looking for more beer.
Seems he stumbled out the window while sleeping upstairs
He was looking for a drink with no worries or cares
His footing was shaky and his balance was lost
He fell from the rooftop, slipping on frost.
We took him to the hospital by way of a cab
Only waited 10 minutes, for a taxi to grab
We got to emergency and took him in quick
She said it would be hours for a doctor because we live in New Brunswick.
We waited and waited until the doctor arrived
He wrapped Jimmy’s ankle and said, “He’s lucky to survive”
He gave us a smile, a wink and a wave
He said, “Merry Christmas to you all, go home and behave!”
So, home we all went and rested for the night
Awoke around noon-time by the shining sunlight
We drank coffee and told stories, of the night just before
Then we cracked open some Alpine, and each said ” Just one more.”