Uptight, neurotic mess of a woman describes herself as ‘super chill’

Uptight, neurotic mess of a woman describes herself as ‘super chill’

Halifax — Nova Scotia woman Kayla Robichaud, who is by far the most uptight, least fun person in her group of friends, describes herself as “super chill.”

“I’m pretty relaxed and easygoing,” said the 30-year-old middle school teacher. “My students always say I’m ‘the fun teacher’ and that they don’t even feel like they’re in class because I’m so cool.”

Reporters later asked the seventh-graders to verify this claim.

“Miss Robichaud’s not fun, but more…weird,” said one student. “Sometimes she’ll put on a movie and cry at her desk, and the next day she’ll yell at us for not doing homework she didn’t even assign. I kind of just feel bad for her.”

Her friends find her behaviour similarly unpredictable.

“I overheard her telling this guy she met at the bar that she’s a really chill person,” said her friend Mark Devine. “I was like… ‘Are you talking about someone else? Because I just witnessed you scream at the bartender for giving you too much cranberry in your cocktail.’ I didn’t say that to her face, though, because she does NOT take criticism well. She definitely would have texted me some dramatic bullshit the next morning demanding an apology and calling me cruel.”

She also believes herself to enjoy “adventures” and “relaxing,” according to her Tinder profile.

“I can’t imagine what she must mean by ‘adventures,'” said her friend Tanya Abernathy, “or by ‘relaxing’ for that matter. As far as I know she comes home from work every day and cleans her entire apartment, works out for two hours, and goes to bed after doing meal prep for the next two weeks. I think that’s actually her idea of fun.”

The single Haligonian recently went on a Tinder date with Kyle Hollister, who said that of all the girls on the dating app who say they love adventures, Kayla was probably the least adventurous.

“She asked me if I wanted kids before we ordered appetizers. She said she does, and she doesn’t have time to mess around because she’s 30 now and her biological clock is ticking,” recalled Hollister. “I tried to lighten the mood, and asked her if she wanted to see a movie that weekend and get to know each other a bit, and she said, ‘I need to know where this is going’ and she ‘doesn’t like to play games.’ Suuuuper chill, all right.”

Robichaud has convinced herself that she’s spontaneous and down-to-earth.

“More like rigid and vain,” said co-worker Laura Morrison. “She went skydiving one time about a decade ago and still cites that as the example of how cool and fun-loving she is. Nowadays she needs four months’ notice to hang out for an hour, and when you’re with her she won’t relax for a second and just checks her reflection in the mirror and monitors her phone for notifications. She’s awful to spend time with, really.”

We asked Robichaud what she likes to do to unwind.

“Oh, you know, just kick back, but I’m usually up for anything,” she said, biting her nails. “I’m pretty chill — ask anyone.”


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