Saint John — Although a large section of the province remains in the orange phase of COVID restrictions, some people are finding some relief from their coronavirus-related anxieties with the changing seasons.
“Oh, I get horribly depressed every winter,” said 38-year-old Katherine Summers, sitting at her kitchen table and lighting a cigarette with a shaky hand.
“I usually anticipate the Christmas season with absolute dread, but not this year. This year, I cannot wait for all of this serotonin to just seep out of me.”
Summers explained that the constant threat of COVID has made her “unbearably” anxious.
“It’s been exhausting, let me tell you. People aren’t meant to carry this kind of stress. There is nothing I would like more than to forget all of this and retreat into an agonizing, insurmountable bout of depression.”
Unfortunately, with Christmas still being weeks away, Summers has found it difficult to ignore the mounting coronavirus concerns in the province.
“There’s another update from Jennifer Russell in about a half-hour,” said her husband, Neil, peeking his head into the kitchen. “Looks like there’s going to be a lot of cases this round.”
Upon hearing this, Summers underwent an immediate physical transformation. Her shoulders tensed, her teeth began to grind, and she compulsively twirled the charred remains of her cigarette between her thumb and index finger.
“Snow, shopping, Christmas music, Mariah Carey, in-laws,” she chanted, slapping herself on the forehead. “Parties, in-laws, lousy television, family gatherings, in-laws, socialization, in-laws, in-laws, IN-LAWS!”
After a while, her face relaxed, her body slumped, and she slipped back into her chair looking dark and disconsolate — as if she were suddenly shaded by a dark cloud.
“Ahhh,” she moped. “That’s the stuff.”