Truro — Women everywhere have been dreading the upcoming moment, happening today, when their mate will present them with a thoughtful, but ugly, piece of jewelry in the shape of a heart.
“Oh god…here it comes,” hundreds of women across the Maritimes will mutter under their breath as their mates hand them a small box.
“Oh, you shouldn’t have! Really!” they’ll exclaim when they hold up the necklace or earrings with heart-shaped detailing. “I mean…seriously…you shouldn’t have…”
We spoke with some of the many women who have already been given their Valentine’s surprise.
“I don’t know why, but just looking at it I can tell it cost $20,” said Emma Peterson of Truro, N.S., of the silver-coloured pendant featuring blue imitation diamonds arranged to spell the word “love.”
“He looked so happy when he put it on me that I just blurted out that it was gorgeous. Great…now I have to wear this thing until he hopefully gets me something nicer on my birthday.”
“I’m pretty sure my first boyfriend when I was 15 gave me these exact heart earrings, and he was a paper delivery boy so you know he didn’t exactly have a lot of money to throw around,” said Sarah Jackson of Minto, N.B. “But it’s possible he was also a weed dealer, in which case, who knows, maybe the earrings my husband gave me today were actually pricey? But when it comes down to it, I don’t care if they cost $5 or $500 — they’re still tacky as sin.”
“I have a separate jewelry box that holds all the heart-shaped jewelry I’ve gotten over the years. Most of it has rusted; either that or it’s in perfect condition because it was too unattractive to wear even once,” said Devina Harmond of Summerside, P.E.I.
“I think men just panic on the 13th of February, suddenly remember all the ads they’ve seen lately, and buy whatever heart-shaped crap they can snatch up, never thinking about whether it’s their partner’s style or if it’s something she’d like,” continued Harmond.
“I’m sure most of us would rather just have a pizza and some ice cream and to watch something on Netflix on Valentine’s Day. And that all costs less than this bracelet with hideous wooden hearts dangling from it.”
Local husband Mark Erikson said he and his wife Layla have watched The Office together several times, and he distinctly recalls her laughing during the scene when Jim realizes Pam doesn’t like the heart-shaped pendant he gave her.
“I assume she was chuckling at the ludicrous concept of someone not liking heart-shaped jewelry,” he told us, as he was at jewelry store in the mall making his purchase of a weird gold brooch in the shape of an asymmetrical heart. “Now this, THIS she’s gonna love.”