Amazon mysteriously thriving despite #buylocal movement

Amazon mysteriously thriving despite #buylocal movement

Atlantic Canada — While Amazon has announced hiring 100,000 more seasonal workers, posts on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are encouraging shoppers to support small local retailers this Christmas.

“Committing to buy local is really nice and shows that people care,” said Amazon driver Nick Pond. “Unfortunately they’re all a bunch of hypocrites, and I’ll be the only local they’re supporting this December. Even the lady that runs the ‘Buy Local’ group chips in. I visit her place two or three days a week. Her dog’s name is Frankie. He’s sweet.”

“Totally!” said social media influencer Shirley Norrad when asked if she planned to do most of her holiday shopping in Doaktown. “I’ve dedicated 100% of my Christmas spending to small shops and businesses right here at home — as long as I can find every item, make, model, colour, and size I need at the lowest price, and free two-day delivery. I’m helping!”

Others see online shopping as a way to give their townspeople a much needed break.

“Slow down, stay safe, and shop from home,” said Kyle Gulliver from his dooryard in Sunny Corner. “People work too hard this time of the year. With the recent downturn in our economy, I know people that are busting their butts seven days a week just to keep the lights on and staff paid. I’m going to cut them some slack by doing my shopping online. Merry Christmas!”

With Halloween out of the way, Christmas craft shows are popping up with artisans and multi-level marketing entrepreneurs excited to display their creations.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” said attendee Lindsay Hill. “It warms my heart to see parents and children pose in front of a sweater I designed and knit, post a photo to Instagram with the hashtag “#supportlocal,” and then walk out the door to buy something similar online. I mean, with the Sears Wishbook gone, where else would they get creative gift ideas?! I’ve never seen a more joyful parade of idea thieves.”

North America’s largest online retail giant seem unthreatened by keyboard warriors with their caps lock key at the ready.

“If it wasn’t for another daily sales record, we might have noticed the impact of ‘buylocal’ and ‘supportlocal’ hashtags on social media,” shrugged Amazon multi-billionaire CEO Jeff Bezos. “Sure, they’ll pick up a personalized ornament, handmade soap or candle, but they always come crawling back for the big stuff.

“Nobody is going to touch Santa’s F-you money.”


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