New Brunswick — Only 24 hours after visiting the homes of children throughout North America, the Easter Bunny announced today that he tested positive for COVID-19.
And despite working with vulnerable and unvaccinated youth across the nation, the Bunny failed to take any precautions while delivering Easter treats to millions of children.
Moreover, the rabbit took a controversial stance claiming that the pandemic was man-made plot by wealthy elites, and the COVID-19 vaccine was nothing more than “snake venom” turning people into “satanic hybrids.” He said he only took a rapid point-of-care test to help expose the “plot against freedom.”
Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam responded immediately by urging parents to disinfect or discard any items that came into their homes from the Easter Bunny. In addition, she encouraged caution going forward regarding the public’s trust of the well-known rabbit.
“It’s saddens us to see that such a beloved and kind figure has fallen victim to anti-vax propaganda,” said Tam. “He does apparently spend the entire year literally down a rabbit hole, surfing the internet alone. It seems as though the loneliness and isolation led him to consume copious amounts of COVID misinformation, and he has been fooled into believing several dangerous conspiracy theories.”
Ironically, one part of the Easter Bunny’s delusion has proved to be indirectly beneficial. “He reportedly started himself on a course of Ivermectin after hearing about it on a Joe Rogan podcast,” said Tam.
“While people should never take this animal medicine, in his case it has completely cleared up his ear mite problem!”