Riverview — Due to several complaints lodged by residents, the town of Riverview has launched a survey to determine what signs ought to be acceptable in the region. One woman, 33-year-old Alexia Dumakis, has a very personal reason for wanting to regulate the local signage.
For several months now, the Riverview native has been harassed by all manner of signs, posters and billboards portraying Dumakis as either Hitler, Darth Vader or, oddly, Steve Urkel, the dweeby protagonist from Family Matters, which is sort of a deep-cut reference even for computer nerds.
That said, there is no concrete evidence that the antagonistic advertisers are online trolls. In fact, Dumakis said she has no idea who they could be.
“I don’t know even know what I did to bother anybody,” she said, looking confused.
“You were born with that stupid face,” answered the LED sign behind her. “And a smelly butt,” it added, after a star-wipe.
Over time, Dumakis says, the signs have become more numerous, but also much more creative, and with higher production value.
Just outside of Needs convenience, for example, there is digital sign that features a looping animation of Dumakis pulling down her pants and farting in Mahatma Gandhi’s face.
“Come on,” she said, scrunching up her face with disgust. “What if kids see that?”
Dumakis stressed that she strongly supports freedom of speech, but she has her limits. That limit, she explained, is plastering her middle school portrait on 40-foot billboards all over the city.
“I mean, who’s paying for all of this?”
The Manatee looked to answer this question. After a long investigation that would have made Woodward and Bernstein proud, our reporters “followed the money” straight to Pattison Outdoor Advertising, which held a record of all the company’s transactions. The records stated that all of the the malicious advertisements were paid out-of-pocket by one…Ms. Alexia Dumakis!
When confronted outside a local Tim Hortons, a horrified looking Dumakis knocked over the trash bin and took off, heading westward.
As she made her way down Coverdale Road, she could be heard shouting, with a defiant tone:
“Did AH dooo thaaaat…”