Cabinet minister loses after totally forgetting to promise puppies, rainbows

Cabinet minister loses after totally forgetting to promise puppies, rainbows

Dartmouth — Defeated Liberal MLA Joanne Bernard chalks up her loss in Tuesday’s provincial election to, unlike the NDP candidate, forgetting to promise Nova Scotia voters a never-ending supply of puppies and rainbows.

“Aw man, I knew there was something important that slipped my mind in this election! It’s just like me to completely space out and forget to promise Nova Scotians unlimited puppies and rainbows. Stupid. So stupid,” muttered Bernard while packing up her office.

Bernard lost by a landslide to Susan Leblanc, who went door to door explaining the NDP’s vision of living wage to help haul the working-poor out of poverty.

“I worked hard, spoke with real people about the issues they face, and no, I don’t think I even once mentioned puppies or rainbows,” said  a confused Leblanc. “I don’t know where she’s getting this. Is a living wage really that far-fetched? If you ask me, I think Bernard’s just upset to learn how incredibly unpopular she truly is. Deep down, she knows what I was saying made more sense. Classic sore loser.”

Bernard denies being a sore loser, instead saying that if she had only remembered to promise the right things to the right people, she would have held onto her seat in the legislature.

“The NDP told people they’d get puppies, rainbows, and a $15 minimum wage, and forgetful old me forgot to promise any of that nonsense — no wonder I lost!” moaned Bernard. “But I did remember to say the Liberals would make sure every Nova Scotian gets a family doctor — shouldn’t that count for something? Maybe if I said the family doctor handed out puppies and prescribed rainbows, that could have helped.”

Dartmouth North constituent Morris Deveau usually votes Liberal, but this year went with the NDP for their forward-thinking platform and competent leaders. He said puppies and rainbows had nothing to do with it.

“Leblanc didn’t promise anything too crazy or unattainable. She seemed like a reasonable person,” said Deveau. “And anyway I’m actually allergic to dogs, and I think rainbows look like crap,” he added.

“What would I want with either of them?”

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