Company selling fossil fuels, print media, radio wants province to invest in ‘future’

Company selling fossil fuels, print media, radio wants province to invest in ‘future’

Saint John — A company primarily located in Saint John, N.B. has apparently fallen on hard times, and is looking for help from the province. Requesting a massive price hike that is expected to cost consumers $60 million, they are calling it a a “plan for the future.” 

“We remain committed to investing in future of fossil fuels, print media and terrestrial radio,” company lawyer Robert Powers argued to the energy and utilities board on Monday. “These are proven growth industries in the 20th century.”

A member of the board pointed that we are now nearly a quarter of the way through the 21st century. 

“Wait — really?” With a confused look on his face, the lawyer checked his pocket watch, shook it, and held it up to his ear.

Powers went on to say that despite the pressures of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the company hasn’t changed its business model “one bit.”

“Why fix what isn’t broken? We want to stay true to the values that built this company. Nepotism, high salaries and and total control,” he said. “When absolutely necessary, we will make some cuts to superfluous items, like charities and jobs.”

Premier Blaine Higgs, who was sitting in at the meeting, gave Powers a skeptical look. 

“Would you mind providing us with some evidence as to how this would benefit you, and therefore the province as a whole?”

“No,” said Powers, with an unwavering smile. 

Cool,” said Higgs, slapping his hand onto his table. “Approved!”

Share your thoughts. We reserve the right to remove comments.