Saint John — Earlier today, it was announced that the dreaded U.K. variant of COVID-19 has made its way to both Miramichi and Saint John. One might expect that this unfortunate development would scare officials, but that is not so. As it turns out, the Port City actually welcomes this particular British invasion.
“People have always compared us negatively to Fredericton,” said Saint John Mayor Don Darling. “‘Oh,’ they say, ‘Fredericton is more cultured than Saint John. They’ve got universities and a proclivity for theatre,’ while we’re stuck in an industrial city full of oil refineries and mills. Well guess what — we got the new variant first.”
He added that he believed this new variant added a measure of “international flair” to the city, making it more “cultured.” When questioned as to the particulars of the variant, Darling’s grasp on the subject seemed a little…buggered.
“I don’t think it’s nearly as…deadly?” he ventured. “I just think it makes you sound like you have an accent, and it might make you a little confused as to which side of the road you’re supposed to drive on.”
He stopped for a moment to consider this further.
“Oh, and I think the Queen had it, too…Is that right?”
While people are encouraged to continue taking safety measures to prevent further spread of the infection, it seems inevitable that more people will catch it. Did Darling have any advice for those currently infected?
“Just take a spot of tea, marathon Mrs. Brown’s Boys, and you’ll be fine in two weeks,” he said.