Dufferin — As reported Tuesday morning on CBC.ca, results have come back negative on the rabies testing of a dog that viciously attacked a goat and donkey on a Dufferin farm back in April.
“Our testing has concluded that this dog simply hated goats and donkeys,” explained Dr. Preston Peterson, the veterinarian in charge of the test. “We’re not sure if it was a personal issue the dog had with those particular animals or if the dog just didn’t like any goats or donkeys — sadly, we’ll never be sure.”
The recently proven rabies-free dog was put down shortly after it attacked the farm animals. “We were more of the mindset to kill first, test later,” explained the remorseful doctor. “Really though, our hands were tied. What were we to do? Keep the dog alive and have to pay for its living expenses until we conducted the appropriate tests? That could have ended up costing us tens of dollars.”
CBC reported that there was a second dog involved in the attack; the RCMP are treating the attack very seriously and have been investigating whether this was a premeditated gang attack on unsuspecting farm animals.
“Who knows what could have been going through these potentially sophisticated canine minds,” explained Officer James Kelly. “I’ve seen Planet of the Apes, I understand how quickly these things can grow out of control. That’s why we made the decision to act quickly and kill both animals before they attacked more farm animals or decided to rise up against their owners.”
The second dog was put down as well for fear that it may also have contracted rabies; tests have not yet come back to prove otherwise, but The Manatee will update the story when results become available.
“Have you guys all seen the movie Minority Report?” quizzed Officer Kelly. “The cops in that incredible movie arrest people before they actually commit any crime — that’s kind of what we’re doing here. Well, we’re not getting them before they commit the crime, but we’re killing them before we find out if they might commit another crime. It’s pretty similar.”
The 2 dogs escaped their pen at their owner’s house when it was damaged throughout the winter.
“I kept meaning to fix that dog-sized hole in their pen,” expressed dog owner Mark Henderson. “I just kinda hoped the dogs wouldn’t notice it and stay in their cage. I’ll know better for next time, hopefully.”
The owner of the murdered goat and donkey had harsh words for the dogs owners. “My goat was a good goat,” he said with tears swelling in his eyes. “And that donkey was one of my very best friends in this world. Those evil dogs got together and just decided to attack my family for sport — no other reason.”
According to the RCMP, their investigation is ongoing and they haven’t yet ruled out the possibility of an uprising of epic proportions by the dogs in the province. “You just don’t want to discount anything,” Kelly told our reporter. “First they kill goats and donkeys and next thing you know, they’re ruling the country — although they could probably do a better job than Harper.”