Fergie’s ‘Star Mangled Banner’ rendition causes worldwide chicken shortage

Fergie’s ‘Star Mangled Banner’ rendition causes worldwide chicken shortage

Saint John — A bluesy rendition of the “Star-Spangled Banner” at the 2018 NBA All-Star Game in Los Angeles is being blamed for a worldwide chicken shortage.

The American national anthem sung by superstar Fergie on Sunday night is said to be the cause of a supply chain gap in amount of raw chicken available to KFC restaurants and supermarkets across the globe.

According to veterinary experts, just how that happened is a bizarre series of events that could only take place in the age of viral videos and connected devices.

“Fergie’s anthem video was trending number one on YouTube, and being played on smartphones everywhere on the planet including at chicken processing plants,” explained avian bird expert Johnny Poulette. “You might have expected those chickens to stop laying eggs or to just lose the will to live.

“But instead, they became irrationally angry… almost violent. Like, violent for a chicken anyways,” Poulette explained. “It’s almost like being processed for consumption was bad enough, but this performance was a bridge too far even for them.

“The chickens went completely wild, and rabidly attacked the workers at chicken factories across the world. Dozens of plants had to be evacuated for due to safety concerns.”

The first commercial victim of the Fergie fallout was KFC restaurants in the United Kingdom, which closed their doors on Monday due to a chicken shortage.

Next, the chicken shortage is poised to hit New Brunswick today, and expected to impact the Saint John particularly hard. Fried chicken comprises 74 per cent of total food consumed in the city.

“I don’t know what I will eat if I can’t get my delicious chicken covered in the Colonel’s secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices,” fretted 62-year-old Mona Frit. “What else is there to eat? Vegetables? Fruit? Salad? Ha, get real.

“I guess I’ll be deep-frying my hamburgers for a few days,” she concluded.


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