Fredericton — Asher Brown, 23, insisted that this was the end for him and his on-again off-again girlfriend Sierra Long. They had been dating for the past 4 years and Brown said he could no longer deal with her “instability,” according to his friends.
“This is the 5th or 6th time that he’d sworn off her,” chuckled Andy Hampton, Brown’s roommate. “I knew he’d be back with her in no time — actually bet him 10 bucks.”
The couple’s most recent breakup came last Thursday night after a double-date with Hampton and his girlfriend.
“We were at the Snooty Fox, havin’ a time when Sierra accused Asher of checking out some other girl,” recalled Hampton. “Next thing you know, she’s crying and Asher is all pissed and said they’re done.”
Hampton told our reporter that Brown swore he had finally had enough of Long and there was no way he’d ever be hooking up with her again. The next night though, Brown apparently experienced a change of heart and sent an apologetic text to his former flame.
“I was over at her place earlier in the week,” explained Brown. “And I remembered that I had left a brand-new, full case of Alpine sitting in her fridge. I couldn’t just leave it — I had to get back together with her. I live my life with a military-like code: no beer left behind.”
When asked why he couldn’t simply ask his ex to give back the case of beer, Brown seemed puzzled.
“What do you think, I’m some kind of heartless creep?” he asked. “That’s pretty ruthless if you ask me, asking to have something back that you bought when you were together. I did the proper, gentleman-like thing and pretended I still loved her. I think I can probably keep this charade up for a month or so and then I’ll be in the clear to break it off again.”
The Manatee tracked Long down and asked for her take on the hopeless relationship.
“That Asher is such a sweetie,” she bragged with love glowing in her eyes. “He just got a little tipsy last night and let his temper get the better of him. He sobered up the next day and sent me the sweetest text: ‘Yo, babe. I’m super bummed about what went down. I hate the way we ended and think we need to give it another few weeks to see if we can make it work. Can I come over? Alpine for you.'”
Long explained that she thought that last line was a typo and that Brown meant to say he was “pining” for her.
She went on to say that she thinks Brown is her “soulmate” and that this time will “finally be forever.”