Fredericton — Step aside, Trump! The world has a new most-hated man: Fredericton resident Dean Perry.
In the late hours of Monday evening, it was reported by dozens of eye-witnesses that a man in his early 30s who was shopping at Fredericton’s northside Walmart did the unthinkable when he emptied his cart of goods into the trunk of his 1989 light-grey Dodge Shadow, and then just pushed his shopping cart up onto the sidewalk and drove away.
“No human decency whatsoever!” accused onlooker Dawn Peterson. “I hope he spends an eternity in Hell for this. It’s people like this guy who cause world wars. If Premier Gallant really wants to change this province, he’ll find people like this guy and lock him up for good.”
The Manatee was able to find the identity of the cart-leaver by monitoring security camera footage of the shopper and cross-referencing with credit card data supplied by Walmart and MasterCard.
“Oh, we were more than happy to help,” said Walmart assistant manager Sally Marbles. “We normally don’t give this information out when we’re just dealing with shoplifters or violent offenders, but for cases like this, we certainly don’t want to obstruct justice.”
Our reporter tracked down the home address for Perry, who quickly defended himself. “It was really cold out and I wanted to get home to watch The Curse of Oak Island,” he pleaded. “And it’s not like the cart was going anywhere… I lifted the front wheels onto the curb — it was as solid as a rock.”
Graham Kelly, who also observed the travesty, told our reporter that he was “dumbfounded that someone could be so, so heartless” and admitted that he “didn’t think anything like this could ever happen in Fredericton.”
“You see this kind of thing in the news all the time in big cites,” he continued, “but you never think that it could happen where you live, you know? I wasn’t prepared for this.”
Randy Young was the cart attendant on duty; he said he’s thankful that cooler heads prevailed in the end as he thought Perry wouldn’t get out of the parking lot alive.
“It was really scary there for a minute,” he recalled. “I’d never seen people so mad before. I mean, I was pretty annoyed by it, too, but these people were ready to rip the guy’s head off. I just hope that he takes this chance to learn and grow as a person and be better in the future.”
At press time, Fredericton police were still investigating the incident, but said they are taking the matter very seriously, and that “we are considering the culprit to be possibly the worst person on Earth.”