Listicle: Follow these 7 steps right now to have Trump impeached

Listicle: Follow these 7 steps right now to have Trump impeached

Atlantic Canada — For some reason, people in Atlantic Canada are livid with the results of the U.S. presidential election this past Tuesday as Donald Trump was elected the new leader of our neighbouring nation.

Well, The Manatee isn’t some sit-on-the-sidelines-and-do-nothing news outlet like some of our counterparts (looking at you, CBC). We’ve developed a 7-part action plan to ensure Donald Trump is removed from office before he starts whatever it is he’s going to do to cause the next world war and probably the apocalypse. Follow these 7 steps to impeach president-elect Trump.

  1. Complain: Never has there been a more effective way to achieve something than complaining. The louder and more often you do it, the more serious people take you. So, get out your megaphones, draw up some signs on neon-coloured Bristol board and head down to Fredericton’s city hall to let the world know how you feel — pissed.
  2. Talk about how dumb the college electoral system is: Sure, it would have held a lot more credence had you complained about this arcane system before the results didn’t unfold the way you wanted them to, but don’t let that stop you from complaining about it now. Let everyone know that Hillary won the popular vote and the only reason Trump was elected is because he won the only vote that mattered toward the result.
  3. Hate anyone who supports Trump: This one should be a no-brainer. What’ the best way to protest the hate and exclusion voiced by the Celebrity Apprentice star? How about with hate and exclusion? That’s right, give ’em a taste of their own disgusting medicine and show them that their hate has no place in your world by hating them harder than they hate you — it may seem a little counterintuitive, but it’ll probably work.
  4. Update your Facebook status with your opinions: There may be only one source trusted for accuracy and truth more than that of The Manatee — Facebook. Make sure you change the privacy settings on this one to public.
  5. Sign a petition: I’m sure one of these things must have worked before, otherwise why would they still exist? Add your name and watch the change unfold.
  6. Talk about how stupid this is: Use every single outlet you have available to spread the word from Edmunston, N.B., to Sydney, N.S. Send emails to your pals in Charlottetown, and FaceTime with your family in Newfoundland. Talk, text, Snapchat or even send a good old-fashioned fax detailing just how stupid you think this whole thing is.
  7. Like and share this article: Brothers and sisters unite and get the word out there! The more people who follow this foolproof step-by-step impeachment method, the faster we can send Donald Trump back where he belongs: a tanning bed in Trump tower. Share on Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, Reddit and maybe even print copies out and put them under people’s windshield wipers at the mall — people love that. Do whatever you have to do to get the word out.
  1. I’m a huge fan of this website, but when it comes to your stories (directly) regarding the American election, the it seems like all you do is bash people who dislike Trump. Not to say that you haven’t made any valid points, but I think it’s time to move on. It’s no secret that not everyone who hates on Trump is all knowing, but it’s also no secret that he bragged on tape about sexually assaulting people, has incited violence at his rallies, going so far as to offer legal protection to anyone who attacked protesters, and even attempted to shame the parents of a fallen veteran.
    Again, it’s not that you haven’t made any valid points, but bear in mind that everyone isn’t just hating on Trump just for kicks.

    • We’ve had many stories making fun of Trump and pointing out his flaws, I’m genuinely curious about what others we posted satirising his bashers that would qualify us for an “all you do is” generalisation.

    • Paul William Lewis November 14, 2016, 12:44 pm

      To be fair: Had Clinton won the election and it was Trump supporters who were making all of these same complaints, I would have gladly written the same article from that point of view.


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