New Brunswick — As COVID-19 cases continue to grow in New Brunswick, some residents are looking to get a third dose of the vaccine as a booster shot. However, at this point only certain individuals who are at high risk are eligible to receive it. This has led to some innovative thinking from enterprising New Brunswickers.
Bob Smith of Petitcodiac has been arguing with his anti-vaxxer friend Steve Marsh since the beginning of the pandemic. First in regards to Marsh believing that COVID-19 is a hoax, then on to conspiracies around Bill Gates, 5G towers and microchips, and to the efficacy of the vaccine and its “poison” ingredients. In reality, vaccines have proven safe and effective in the fight against the pandemic.
“I’ve been trading memes with Steve for months and months,” said Smith. “Sometimes I shared academic articles, sometimes I shared news stories, but nothing could convince him of the facts. Honestly, it was just exhausting.” Marsh would reply immediately with conspiracy theory YouTube videos and anti-vax memes on Facebook.
“It occurred to me that Steve’s never going to get a shot, and I’d love to get one of those third shot boosters,” said Smith.
Smith came up with a plan to borrow Marsh’s Medicare card and use that to jump the queue to get his third shot. “I’m never getting the jab,” said Marsh. “While I worry about my friend Bob pumping all that poison in his body! I’m glad we were able to come to an understanding together. It’s saved our friendship.”
Smith is not the only one to come up with this innovative approach to getting his third shot. Janet Higgins of Memramcook had the same idea when she noticed a PPC sign on her neighbour’s lawn during the recent federal election and wondered if they were anti-vaxxers. During the election, the PPC was the only party that didn’t support vaccine mandates.
“I thought maybe if they’re against the shot, that there might be some way that we could work together,” said Higgins. She threw on a mask and went next door to meet her neighbours. The door was answered by Marsha Mauger, an unmasked middle-aged woman, who demanded to know what the hell Higgins wanted.
According to Higgins, she asked Mauger if she’d been vaccinated. “Hell no! I’m not putting that poison in my body!” said Mauger. “This whole thing is just a conspiracy to make us sick and control us! They’ll have to drag me kicking and screaming to get that jab into me!”
Higgins asked if she could borrow her Medicare card to get a third shot since Mauger wouldn’t be getting any.
“I was suprised when she said ‘Absolutely!’ I think it’s a win-win situation,” said Higgins. “The government’s stats on vaccination go up and I get my third shot to protect me from the virus. Is it ethical? Heck, I don’t know, but I’m glad I can get another jab. We’re better neighbours now too; I bring her pies as a thank-you!”
At press time Public Health warned New Brunswickers to follow the guidelines and wait their turn to get a third shot.
“We absolutely do not condone this kind of trickery!” said Chief Medical Officer of Health Jennifer Russell. “But heck, we’re struggling to keep up with everything here, from contact tracing to hospitalizations, so I guess if people want to be safe, they’re just going to have to do whatever they have to do to stay that way.”