New Brunswick — The New Brunswick Dental Society (NBDS) determined this week that they will not be mandating that their members be vaccinated.
While this position puts them in opposition with the College of Physicians and Surgeons of New Brunswick, NBDS executive director Paul Blanchard says that this does not in any way lessen their value as medical professionals.
“Just because our members have a more…uh, laissez-faire attitude about safety precautions, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be taken seriously as medical professionals.”
“Yeah!” chimed in Dr. Andrew Parker, a Media Studies professor who wrote his thesis on the Star Wars prequels. “And we PhDs shouldn’t be afraid to call ourselves doctors, either!”
“Did we have to invite him to this Zoom chat?” asked Blanchard, wincing.
Dental society members say that they believe patients are adequately protected by the minimal safety protocols that were in place early in the pandemic.
“It was a battle, but we were able to get our members to agree to regularly wash their hands last April,” said Blanchard. “After many months of research and development, we were able to implement a new tool that will allow our dentists to perform their work from six feet away.”
With one hand on a stainless steel lever, Blanchard showed The Manatee how the device is operated.
“You turn this wheel, see, and that rolls up this bit of string, which then pulls back this rubber band, causing these pincers to open and close. When open, any number of dental tools can be placed inside of these tongs. As you can see, it is now using a tartar scraper.”
The device’s joints creaked as its metal arm made sharp jabbing motions in the general direction of the exam chair.
“Since we’ve begun introducing these instruments across the province, we are proud to announce that the spread of COVID via our dentists has been kept to an acceptable minimum,” he said, proudly.
But what about the alarming uptick in eye-gougings?
“Pffft,” Blanchard scoffed. “What do we care? We’re not optometrists.”