Fredericton — Upon seeing little improvement after implementing the “circuit breaker” system for COVID restrictions, the provincial government has determined that it is time to try a new method.
“With the ‘circuit breaker’ system, we’ve been shutting down areas that are overblown with COVID,” said Dr. Jennifer Russell, Chief Medical Officer. “But, using the ‘fuse’ restrictions, we can simply throw Moncton out. End of problem.”
According to Premier Blaine Higgs, “throwing out” a zone would entail a complete cut off of all governmental services and jobs in the area, effectively removing it from the provincial map. As there is no end in site to the pandemic, the government has stated that these actions would be permanent.
The premier also said that making this switch will be beneficial in many ways unrelated to COVID as well.
“After we, you know, ‘throw out’ a ‘blown fuse,’ we will of course need to replace it. We maybe lose Miramichi, but so what? We can replace it with, I don’t know…Amherst, maybe. Who would complain about that?”
Early reactions to the announcement have expressed concerned that this is an “out-of-date” program, or a “step backward.”
“Let me assure you, we’ve consulted with a number of electricians, and this should be a perfectly safe alternative,” said Higgs. “Besides, to take the metaphor further, if there is an ‘electrical fire,’ that ‘burns down the province,’ we’re insured for far more than we’re worth.”