Fredericton — As the province prepares to loosen COVID-curbing measures to the least restrictive Level 1 of the Winter Plan on Feb. 18, New Brunswickers are excited that we can finally put this virus behind us — just like last time.
“It was so nice in the summer, there, when COVID was done. Walking around without masks, doing the chicken dance and partying with friends without a care in the world,” said Fredericton resident Beth Somers. “Then when COVID started again for fall, it all got really depressing and bleak. So, yeah, bring on Level 1 of the WAP!”
“Couldn’t agree more,” said Somers’s friend Ryan Morrison. “It gets real old, worrying about this virus, wondering if I’m going to get it, trying to avoid peak times at grocery stores, staying home, washing my hands — I can’t wait for all that to be done. I have a lot of catching up to do!”
Last summer, Higgs shocked the nation by essentially declaring the pandemic done and dusted — at least in his home province.
“He’s kind of like Michael Scott in that episode of The Office, where he thinks hollering ‘I declare bankruptcy’ actually means something,” said Shannon Peters of Saint John. “I think at this point we just want to move on, so we’re all pretending it’s going to work great, just like last summer.”
Some New Brunswickers have somehow tied the Ottawa Freedom Convoy to loosening restrictions, actually believing the petulant truckers made it happen.
“Thanks to our hero trucks parking and honking, we’re getting our freedoms back!” cried Carl Watters of Geary. “They worked hard, they stuck it out, and now look — COVID is pretty much done, again!
“Thank you for your service!” he screamed at no one in particular.
Higgs, however, says that unemployed truckers have very little to do with anything — except clogging up the downtown core with their temper tantrums.
“Ugh, those people are so irritating,” the premier told our reporter. “I swear, they’re going to make me regret declaring COVID over with again.”