People’s Alliance rebrands as ‘PAnon’

People’s Alliance rebrands as ‘PAnon’

Minto — Where many in the United States see the QAnon movement as a cancer on democracy, New Brunswick’s People’s Alliance Party announced today that it’s doubling down on conspiracy theories.

While Trump-like populism, divisiveness and anglo angst have always fuelled the fringe group, Kris Austin says that his made-up party will now also fully embrace made-up bullshit.

“We’ve been going down this road for a while, and it’s safe to say that we’re all-in,” conceded the party leader. “Just call us ‘PAnon’ from now on.

“I know there’s just enough gullible, pissed-off boomers out there to keep me employed for a little while longer if I play my cards right.”

The statement follows wildly inaccurate and inflammatory claims regarding the education of francophone children in the province. Last week, Austin again claimed that the government spent 44 per cent more per child to educate francophone children than English-speaking children.

“Ah, who cares if it’s accurate!” he shouted, wide-eyed. “We always felt that English people in New Brunswick were getting a raw deal — you know — in our guts!

“But, finding these so-called ‘facts’ to back it up has always been a problem for us. Not anymore!

“We just need to blow that anti-French dog whistle a little louder, tap into the frustration some people feel in their everyday life and give them someone to blame their problems on.

“Then, I get to ride that bullshit train all the way to my cushy office and nice taxpayer-paid salary. Pretty sweet deal! Who says the system discriminates against unilingual anglophones?

“Oh right. That’s me. I do that,” he chuckled.

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