Fredericton — A jubilant Blaine Higgs announced today that all schools in the province have been free of COVID-19 for a week, the longest stretch since the school year began.
“You can’t argue with results like these!” the premier announced with a glowing smile on his face. “Our hard work and dedication have paid off, we can officially declare our school free from COVID!”
A confused crowd of reporters began muttering to themselves until one finally asked, “Do you think the school closures have had any impact on this progress?”
“Heavens no!” Higgs exclaimed excitedly. “Despite CUPE’s best efforts, our schools have remained COVID-free thanks to the careful planning and preparation of your government.”
Asked what this meant for the future of education in the province, the premier promptly announced, “Our schools are so safe right now, not only will everybody be asked to return, they’ll be legislated to do so!”
“So you’re legislating CUPE back to work?” asked a reporter from The Manatee.
“I’m so sorry, we don’t have time for any other questions — we have a party to enjoy!”
The premier then spent the rest of the evening dancing on stage with Dr. Jennifer Russell and Dominic Cardy.