New Brunswick — The Kansas City Royals are World Series champions after defeating the New York Mets last night in extra innings. The Royals came from behind in the 9th inning to stun the Mets and then beat them in a game the crept into the early hours of Monday morning.
Baseball fans in New Brunswick, however, were shocked to learn the news as they thought baseball was over when the Blue Jays were defeated a week and a half ago at the hands of the eventual champs.
“No, you’re wrong,” declared Mark Anderson from Riverview. “I saw it with my own eyes. The Royals beat the Jays on a Saturday night. I was drunk, but not that drunk.”
Contrary to popular belief in New Brunswick, baseball doesn’t simply end whenever the Toronto Blue Jays are eliminated from contention, which is usually in early August. The Jays lost in the American League Championship Series, where the winners of that series go on to face the National League Champion in the World Series.
“No, no, no, no. My boy Joey Bats is done for the year. He’s been throwing parties, he’s been throwing toothbrushes, he’s been throwing water bottles, lollipop sticks, pencils, coffee cups — you name it and he’s been throwing it,” said Alex Murphy of Sackville, referencing José Bautista’s now infamous bat-throwing incident during the Championship series.
“Why would anyone watch baseball after Canada’s only team was beaten out?” he asked our reporter. “Doesn’t make any sense.”
Most New Brunswick residents have seemingly moved on to hockey season; some are even resorting to basketball and cheering for the Toronto Raptors, Canada’s only NBA team.
“Leafs, Raptors, even the Argos at this point,” suggested Stanley resident Maria Jones. “Maybe this will be the year. I mean, the Jays normally suck, and look at what they did this season — anything is possible.”
Jones said her support for Toronto-based teams came at an early age. “I learned when I was young that Toronto is really the only place in Canada that anyone outside the country cares about. I’ve got a ton of Toronto sports memorabilia,” she bragged to The Manatee. “Last year, they were practically giving away Leaf jerseys — I’m not sure why but I got 10 Kessel jerseys for 10 bucks!”
Now that the Royals have won the World Series and baseball is finally done until next season, New Brunswickers can return to their lives of blissful ignorance while cheering for the Leafs and Raptors until they undoubtedly lose and break their fans hearts as well.