St. Stephen — In recent months, Canada has seen spikes in the number of immigrants crossing the border seeking refugee status. Immigrants from many nationalities have been scrambling to reach Canada to claim the protection from deportation and persecution that the federal government has been promising.
Now, there is a new group fleeing the Trump regime: wild turkeys. These feathered gobblers have been arriving in St. Stephen in droves, and dispersing quickly throughout New Brunswick. The turkeys are braving the currents of the St. Croix River and risking their lives to escape the United States before it is too late, fearing that they may be forced to return to Mexico, where many believe the species originated.
Although some New Brunswickers welcome the latest border-crossers, others feel that their arrival is unfair to native species. Dale Moffitt, a resident of Oak Bay, is outraged.
“They come up here and eat up all the berries and grasses — it’s not fair to the partridge and deer that have been here for years and are just trying to get by on what little food the Irvings haven’t poisoned! And now they have to share it with turkeys?! Next thing ya know, these gobbling buggers will want to bring their families up here, too!
“It’s just not right,” continued Moffitt. “The number of deer are on the decline, and I think these border-jumpers are to blame. The government won’t do nothing about it. It’s like they’d rather see these illegal turkeys thrive instead of looking after their own first!”
Other New Brunswickers, like Carl Brown of Honeydale, welcome the turkeys’ arrival. “I hope they thrive and DNR opens up a season for them delicious little fellers,” said Brown.
Justin Trudeau is rolling out the red carpet for the birds. “Canada is, ah, built on, ah, diversity. We will not close, ah, our borders to any person, or ah, any animal who wants to come here, ah, for a better life,” said the prime minister.
Premier Brian Gallant initially supported the immigration, but has gone silent on the issue since Serge Rousselle, Minister of Environment and Local Government, informed him that the turkeys will not be able to vote in next year’s provincial elections.
Wild Turkey Recipe
Get big Pot. put Big Round Rock in Pot
Put 1 Gallon of Cooking Oil
Cover and Cook for 6 Hours
Take Turkey out and eat Rock