Sackville — Those employed at the secretariat office of Mount Allison University were left scratching their heads this morning when they all received an email marked “urgent” on a project that had as of yet never been discussed.
The fateful email, sent from to the university secretary to the president himself, copied 16 other employees and demanded to know when an important project would be finished.
“I don’t even know what the heck the project is about — I’ve never heard of it,” spat Jane Reardon, longtime employee of the university. “She sends me about 10 emails a day and they’re always marked ‘urgent.’ This one only CC’d me, so I might be off the hook? I don’t know.”
Frank Rickard, a lowly photographer and photo editor working on contract with Mount A, is particularly worried because the cryptic email seemed to indicate that the mystery project may require his assistance. “It said something like ‘The photos will need to be in place before we can go forward with the project, so have those to me ASAP,’ but, like, she didn’t name me, and I don’t know what photos she’d be talking about. I’ll look like an idiot if I ask, so I’m just going to hope some more emails come in that clarify things.
“I’ve really got enough on my plate without this shit,” he added with a sigh. “It may have something to do with our new ‘Fun in the Sack‘ recruitment campaign, but I really just have no idea. Gotta love office politics.”
Another frustrated employee, Jessica Wheaton, said she’s three-quarters through her contract with Mount A and couldn’t care less what the all-consuming project is about. “I’m covering a maternity leave and they expect me to be dedicated to this place like I’m here forever. I just reply to every email with ‘Sounds good!’ and pray for no follow-up questions. I’m almost 100 percent convinced this is just a make-work project to make it seem like we’re doing something — a lot of ass-kissing, if you ask me.”
By late morning, some of the employees had started “replying all” on the email, pretending to know about the project with vague queries and promises of the project’s completion. One read: “Sounds great! Will my assistance be needed before we set the wheels in motion?” Another was: “When is the latest you’d need this by? Certainly don’t wish to rush such an important project!” and another said more candidly, “What’s an ETA?”
Before the end of the day, the boss had announced she’d be leaving early for the weekend, and the completed assignment was to be on her desk Monday morning — no more excuses. Our reporter has promised to uncover the details of the mystery project over the next 2 days, despite being unsure what this task entails, exactly.