Fredericton — The City of Fredericton intends to use Fred-eZone to stream the farewell show by beloved Canadian band the Tragically Hip this evening in Officers’ Square. The Hip are ending their summer tour in their hometown of Kingston, Ont., and the last show will be broadcast live to hundreds of venues across the country.
“Fully Completely in the Square” is set to rock the downtown area from 3:30 p.m. until after midnight. The all-ages event will include local opening acts, food trucks and a beer garden. Mayor Mike O’Brien says he more or less has faith in Fred-eZone’s ability to live-stream the once-in-a-lifetime concert with few technological hiccups.
“It might not be ‘Fully Completely’ so much as ‘nearly partially’ or ‘almost sorta,’ but it will work one way or the other, damnit,” said O’Brien. “We’re trying to rebrand Fred-eZone from ‘annoying’ to ‘hip’ to justify the investment the city made so many years ago… what better way than with a Tragically Hip concert? The irony is fitting. No longer are we ‘Canada’s first wireless city’ — we’re now ‘Canada’s hippest wireless city.'”
Die-hard Hip fan Trevor MacDonald, 25, expressed concern and outrage at the city’s plan. “I’ve never even successfully connected to Fred-eZone on my phone in the heart of downtown, where the signal is supposedly its strongest,” he said. “But O’Brien seriously believes they can stream an entire hours-long concert by the best band ever on the thing? He’s dreaming.”
Th mayor claims the event will encourage lots of fun drinking games. “You can take a drink every time the buffering wheel appears and the video feed freezes,” he gushed, “and a drink each time the concert organizers need to reconnect to the Wi-Fi signal and agree to the terms and conditions yet again.”
The city is asking all residents and visitors to kindly disconnect from Fred-eZone for the evening to free up bandwidth. They are also encouraging everyone to be ready to fill in any silences during “Blow at High Dough” or “Wheat Kings” with their own off-key chanting in case the signal drops mid-song.