Saint John — Not normally one for interviews with the press, Jesus Christ granted The Manatee an exclusive one-on-one discussion on Friday, with the goal of making it known that he has nothing to do with the Saint John pastor who is repeatedly flaunting his utter disregard for the health and safety of parishioners.
Pastor Philip Hutchings of His Tabernacle Family Church is facing yet another contempt charge for violating COVID-19 regulations.
During the conversation, Jesus told us that Hutchings is not a representative of Heaven, God, Jesus, or anything else that is holy and pure.
“Simply put, he’s only in it for the attention and notoriety,” Christ clarified. “And using my good name to sell merch? How tacky is that?
“Even the name of the church is kind of sickening. ‘His’ Tabernacle? Whose? It sure isn’t mine. It’s Hutchings’s and no one else’s — let me make that 100 percent, crystal clear.”
Hutchings’s congregation has, on multiple occasions, shown up to services without wearing masks, without social distancing — without following any COVID-19 protocols at all. Jesus expressed dismay that Hutchings is trying to connect his deplorable behaviour to Christianity.
“Did I not explicitly say, ‘For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted’? Was this dummy even listening to me? And had he read the Bible at all, he would remember this scripture: ‘For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified.’
“Does he think he’s above the rules? He’s trying to make himself out to be some kind of martyr, when he’s really just an embarrassment.”
Our reporter asked Jesus to rank Hutchings and his church’s Christ-like-ness on a scale from Devilish to Divine.
“I won’t put a number on it, but let me just say, this guy is about as Christ-like as some of the Irvings living in this area. I want no part of his nonsense.”