Halifax — The famous Trooper song talks about being here for a “good time, not a long time,” but the reverse is true for a hapless tourist who attempted to drive in downtown Halifax at 5 p.m. yesterday.
Betty-Ann Myers, an 82-year-old resident of Petitcodiac, N.B. “just totally gave up” while trying to navigate the Halifax downtown region during the evening rush hour in her 2000 Pontiac Sunfire.
After attempting to follow GPS directions in heavy rush-hour traffic, her car broke down and the senior surrendered. She is now a fixture in the middle of Spring Garden Road, with no intentions of going anywhere.
“That’s it! I’m done. I’m staying right effin’ here,” fumed Myers. “I think the Lord is making me answer for a lifetime of sins by making me drive in this city. I mean, the city itself is great, but everything in it seemed like it was against me getting to the boardwalk. Every turn I took was blocked by construction, or clueless jaywalkers or closed bridges or people in accidents or tolls that don’t work.
“I won’t drive for another second in this place; I’m just going to live here in my car. There’s lots of donairs to eat and public washrooms, I’ll be fine. It’s like that song — my house is in the middle of the street, and it ain’t moving.”
Ironically, Myers’ new “home” is not causing any disruption at all in downtown Halifax.
“It’s like drivers don’t even notice she’s there,” marvelled Halifax Regional Police constable Otto Mobill. “It seems as though people have become so accustomed to dodging obstacles that her car is just part of the landscape now. Every time we get near her she rolls up the window and locks the doors, so it could be a while before we can move her. But honestly, it seems like there’s no rush.”
Meanwhile, Myers is growing accustomed to the culture that Metro has to offer. “I heard that they had a disc jockey with a dead mouse playing a Canada Day concert! Can you believe that? What a weird place!”