Ottawa — The Canadian prime minister had a phone call with new American President Donald Trump on the weekend, and Trudeau said he can’t believe how smoothly it went. He hopes the call’s success is a good indicator for how the impending in-person meeting with the president will play out.
“I was super nervous when I knew he was gonna call, like, any minute,” recounted Trudeau, running his fingers through his perfect hair. “I always feel awkward on the phone, but this was a huge deal. Not only was I about to hear the voice of a reality TV star on the other end, but I had to try and sound professional and cool while discussing Canada’s policies and just shooting the shit. I felt like I was back in middle school working up the nerve to ask a girl to the movies.”
Many Canadians are criticizing Trudeau for planning to meet with Trump at all, saying he risks alienating his constituents without solving any real problems. “Well if you guys want me to work on tough issues with Trump, you’re gonna have to let him actually see me,” Trudeau justified. “I’m a lot more handsome than most people realize from just hearing my voice. And we all know how important handsomeness is in politics.”
Trudeau’s wife Sophie said that while Justin was on the phone, she could hear him pacing the bedroom, picking things up, and giggling in an agitated manner. “He gets very fidgety when he’s anxious,” she explained. “I have a nice collection of scented candles on the dresser and he tore their labels off and rearranged them all during the 45-minute phone call. He only does that kind of thing when he’s feeling especially high-strung.”
Trudeau said that during the weekend’s call, the two world leaders mostly talked about hockey, Twitter, Melania, and styling products, but when the prime minister’s confidence was up, he managed to “sneak in a few tough questions about Trump’s travel ban.”
“I was just buttering him up,” Trudeau said, “but in our face-to-face chat I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to convince him that Canada’s decision to admit 40,000 Syrian refugees will pose no security threat to the U.S. We agreed on lots of things; I don’t see why this should be any different.”