Woodstock — Provincial Minister of Education and Early Childhood Development Bill Hogan was recently present at the opening of the Woodstock Pistol and Rifle Club where he made strange, Republican-esque comments to the crowd, including a call to “take back our country” and “have law-abiding citizens that can own guns and that aren’t a danger to anybody.”
In the same un-asked-for speech, he seemed to reference his backward stance on Policy 713, saying, “Our country’s full of law-abiding citizens and the way the federal government acts, you’d think we’re all criminals. Because they’re saying that all parents beat their kids, it’s not true, and it’s about time we start speaking what’s true and what isn’t.”
While some present were understandably confused, others began chanting, “Make Canada great again!” More still began to yell, “Make New Brunswick great again!”
That’s the simpleton slogan that Minister Hogan seemed to enjoy the most, because just this morning he was spotted selling homemade “MNBGA” hats from a table he set up at a busy intersection.
Motorist Pam Burlington saw the stand, and pulled over to check it out.
“I thought it was someone selling cute homemade Christmas stockings or decorations or something, so I figured I’d start my shopping,” she told The Manatee, with a heavy sigh. “But nope — it was this dope with his knockoff Trump nonsense.”
Hogan said he hasn’t had much to do since his role in the uproar around Policy 713 has largely died down, so this week he ordered hundreds of blank red ballcaps online. When the hats arrived, he proceeded to sloppily sew white lettering reading “MNBGA” and sell the finished product for $25 each.
Our reporter asked Hogan what he plans to do with the proceeds from the hats.
“I’m gonna buy more guns!” he said. “We need to protect ourselves!”
We asked against whom he believes he needs protection.
“…uh…just, you know, all the bad hombres…all the nasty women…uh…anyone who doesn’t want to make New Brunswick great again!”
Our reporter inquired about what it really means to make a province “great again.”
Hogan didn’t answer, because at that moment Premier Blaine Higgs approached the table and asked to purchase enough hats for himself and the few remaining cabinet ministers who support him.
The premier proudly donned his hat — whose shoddily sewn lettering was already coming loose — and chanted “Make! New! Brunswick! Great! Again!”